Taboo by Phy: An Examination on Why you Should be the One She Cheats With
Taboo: an activity or behavior that is considered completely unacceptable or forbidden.
Taboo (Tabu) by Phy was released 6 years ago (2016) and it was an absolute banger - with over 2.4 Million views so far - Kenyans resonated with it and they still do, if the ‘who is listening to the jam in 2022’ comments are something to go by.
Taboo (Tabu) by Phy is a story of a girl with a boyfriend but she can’t get enough of her side dude – Nairobi, right? She is conflicted as she feels that she is being unfair to the boyfriend and she wants to end things with the side dude so as to focus on her relationship. She often sneaks out of the house, leaving the boyfriend, to go see this other dude. For 4 minutes, we hear nothing about the boyfriend all we know about him is that he doesn’t excite her the way this other dude does. The side dude is given glowing praise; for 4 minutes straight, we see her trying to rationalize and convince herself that this dude she is cheating with isn’t worth it and that she should ‘try’ and love her man.
In one of his videos, the controversial Youtuber, Kevin Samuels says that you should strive to be the dude that she wants to cheat with. He even goes a step further to say that men should package themselves in such a way that her friends want to sleep with you too.
One of the most profound comments on this topic that I have come across is that, when a girl starts entertaining/cheating with another man, she starts feeling and acting like she is cheating on the other dude with her man. This is why one of the most common indicators that your girl is falling out of love with you is that she starts finding you too hard to stand; you start becoming annoying – things that she used to like about you become a nuisance to her. Your texts go un-replied, she becomes quarrelsome and sometimes even sex becomes a chore.
The guy she is cheating on with starts getting the best of her, even his touch or the thought of him touching her elicits such strong emotions that the boyfriend cannot produce. In one of his talks Zan Perrion says that every woman has a fantasy, and if you can elicit desire in her to the point that she touches yourself to thoughts/imagery of you, you are doing something right.
In Taboo’s case we see the other dude winning. She says:
‘Acha, acha kunishika mkono hivo, ninahisi mengi, ila ninajua kuna kikomo, najaribu kumpenda niliye naye’ – Stop holding/touching my hand like that coz these feeling are overwhelming me, and I know we should stop as I am trying to love the one I am with.
She is sneaking out, essentially making time to go see this other dude, while struggling to ‘love’ the boyfriend. This reminds me of a trend on Social Media with girls saying they are now ignoring their ‘type’ so as they can finally get into a healthy relationship. In this dynamic, we see toxic boys winning while the nice dudes get the Ls. This often begs the question, is she with you because you are safe? Or, do you arouse something in her that prompts her to break all convention to be with you?
From the jam, and from experience as well as word from the streets, we can deduce that there is a probability that the side dude has been around longer than the current boyfriend. It is not uncommon for people to migrate with their side pieces from one relationship to the other.
One of our followers asked the following question on Twitter and it was worth thinking about – ‘Hey men in the house, do you feel bad when women look at you as a long-term partner and not a ‘let’s play games and see where it goes?’. In reference to Taboo, we can see that the side dude is the second type of scenario while the boyfriend is the former. According to Dr David M. Buss, women choose differently when it comes to long- or short-term commitments. In short term commitments, they choose the risqué type of men, the bad boys, the narcissists who they wouldn’t otherwise settle with. When choosing for long term commitment, they go for the safer options – nicer guys who love kids and puppies. It was even seen that women choose differently when they are in various stages of their cycles. They tend to go for the alpha male types when ovulating – the bearded, masculine, muscular, broad-shouldered types while when on their menses they prefer the caring, almost feminine type of dudes. So, to answer the above question, I wouldn’t wanna be considered as the ‘safe’ option. I want a girl to see me and in 5 seconds decide that she wanna jump my bones, lie to her man or her girls so that she can be with me, of course without all the investment of a ‘nicer & safer’ dude.
In studies conducted over the years, there has been a discovery that the pill can influence who you find attractive. Hormonal contraceptives trick the body into thinking that the recipient is pregnant and this affects how they evaluate their mates. It was seen that women on the pill preferred the scent of men who were genetically closer to them as compared to those who weren’t. When they get off the pill, this changes and they may often their partners repulsive, annoying or unattractive. In the case of Taboo, we can hypothesize that maybe the woman in the song has come off her hormonal contraception and no longer finds the boyfriend attractive which is why she is into this other dude who is physically different from the boyfriend and genetically different from the woman, as she no longer ‘pregnant’.
From the title of the song – Taboo – it has always been said that forbidden things are sweeter/appealing. From a quick Quora search on ‘Why is cheating exciting’, we found the following answer:
Someone new and exciting
The sex is mind blowing, you are less inhibited
You are more open to explore new things and the forbidden element adds a thrill
You feel alive again after feeling dead in a relationship that is long gone that you are stuck in
You are more your true self or for others an alternate persona
If it’s a serious affair you may find a connection with someone that suits you far better than your partner.
From a few questions to acquaintances, I found out that a chic is more likely to have a three-some with her side dude as compared to the main dude (supporting evidence to support or dispute the claim is welcome).
In conclusion, do you want to be the one left at home thinking she is at her girls’ while she is getting her guts shifted or do you wanna be the muse for the next cheating jam? The choice is yours, or hers or her hormones lol.
PS: this should not be taken as factual or a blueprint on how to test your relationships. This should be taken as an exercise to scratch a cultural/intellectual curiosity.
Special thanks to Victor Karuga of Little Grey Notepad
for the editing & Zollz for the thumbnail.
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